Early in my education (and parenting) career, I thought behavior management was like the old hot stove example. If you touch a hot stove and burn your hand you won't do it again. Right? So therefore, logically, if you make the consequence (burn) strong enough for a student then they won't do it (touch the stove) again. Wrong.
For the last three years I have been in a position to provide those consequences to students. I wanted them to "feel the burn" so to speak. Each time the same student messed up, I would provide a stronger and stronger consequence - detention, in-school suspension, Saturday school, out of school suspension. And each time I would think "this is going to do it; finally this big consequence will deter the student from doing this behavior again!". I was so wrong. It never did. They kept doing the same behavior and kept getting the same old consequences. Consequences do not change behavior!
{Now, for some, the consequences are a deterrent. Many students will not engage in misbehavior because they are so afraid of the consequence. First and foremost, they want to do the right thing but also they don't want to get in trouble. So just having the code of conduct and threat of a suspension or even detention is enough for them to deter from certain behavior.}
As we know from experience (yeah, it look me awhile) and as research supports, consequences to misbehavior are necessary but are not an effective means to change behavior. Again, consequences are necessary. Can you imagine our world without consequences to behavior? Scary.
So what do you do with the kids that touch the hot stove over and over again and keep getting burned. How do we change their behavior? The answer is simple and no secret - especially in our world of education. Relationships.
We are in the business of changing lives for the better. Our job is to teach and coach the new student towards new behavior. Behavior is learned which means it can taught. But as James Comer said, "no significant learning can occur without a significant relationship". The foundation to change in behavior is a positive, trusting relationship between the student and adult.
To conclude, there are students you may have a significant relationship with yet you are not seeing that change in behavior...yet. Sometimes it takes years for a student to "get it". Keep teaching 'em, coaching 'em, and loving 'em. The fruits of your labor will produce.
